Because I’m a girl, I feel like I can only say legitimate, baseball-y things about baseball. Like, I can have conversations about Ryan Braun’s VORP, but not about how much more attractive Ryan Braun is than other humans. Here’s the thing, though: I’ve always loathed the Rockies, and I think it’s because of their uniforms. Their uniforms are from hell. The black and purple thing alone is a nightmare, and then they sometimes wear those caps with one color on the head-covering part and a different color on the bill, which is the worst, most terrible look in the entire world. Just thinking about it makes me angry. I want the entire team to get eaten by bears.