I am extremely paranoid about walking through wooded areas alone – and I consider “wooded areas” to be clusters of more than, say, seven trees. I recently discovered a new and pleasant way to walk to work, but it requires being in a wooded area for about forty seconds. I was really nervous about this, until this morning, when I saw a solitary elderly woman casually strolling out of the same wooded area. It’s possible she’s the most reckless and foolish elderly woman in the entire world, or maybe the most physically powerful, but it doesn’t seem likely.

This couple rides the bus with me every morning – I’m pretty familiar with all the people on my weekday morning bus, largely because everyone likes to sit in the same seats. This couple always sits in front of me (on the good side of the bus, but too close to the door for my taste). Until a few months ago, the man and the woman sometimes got on the bus at separate stops. (Then the man would sit somewhere ELSE; I think because he feared that the prime seat next to him would be filled before the woman got on the bus. So he chose the horrible middle seats with no windows.) Then they started always getting on at the same stop. Then this morning the woman was wearing a diamond ring on her left hand! I really, really, really had to fight the urge to congratulate them.

I bought this lunchbox last week, and it’s pink and roomy and includes four matching pink Tupperware containers of various sizes, and although it hasn’t solved ALL of my problems, it seems to have solved MOST of them.

My DVD player has started doing this thing; it says it can’t read the DVD the first four or five tries, but then it changes its mind, and the DVD plays fine on the sixth or seventh try. I could buy a new DVD player. But this way, I can tell how committed I actually am to watching something.

I like when the plot on a television show revolves around the characters meeting “famous people," because the characters and the “famous people” are the same level of attractiveness, and no one is ever like, “Isn’t it weird that I’m a high school teacher and you’re a movie star, and we’re equally hot?”

I’m starting to think the problem with me mistaking toy moose for toy horses or toy deer is a problem with the toys, not me. Because I am reasonably certain that I can tell the difference between lemons and grapefruits and apples, but we have this toy food at school, and I have no idea which toy is supposed to represent which fruit. They could all possibly be oranges. We also have this puzzle where something looks like a strawberry, but it’s purple, which is close enough to strawberry-color to be really confusing.

I was drinking a glass of water this morning and felt something tiny and sharp enter my mouth. It was a toenail clipping. This is the story I’m going to tell people when they argue that women are naturally more interested than men in keeping a clean house.