We’re doing a farm unit with my class this week, and it’s almost as hard for me (as a vegan) as the week we did Thanksgiving. I have to read all these stories about the happy cows and pigs and chickens that live on the farm, and I want to look my toddlers in the eye and say, “You’re not getting the whole story, you know.” It helps to remember, though, that it’s that way with everything we tell children – we never tell them the whole story. I tell them, I want you to stop stamping your feet because you might stamp on your friend’s foot, but I never add, Also the sound of you stamping your feet is like the sound of nails being driven into a coffin that’s burying me alive.

I was watching an episode of Supernatural on a plane last month, and one of the characters was drinking another character’s blood (he was getting super powers from her demon blood, like, you know, one does), and I felt extremely awkward about it. Like I should explain to the person sitting next to me the RATIONALITY behind the blood-drinking. So she would know it wasn’t weird or anything. Years ago, when I lived with my parents, my dad walked into the family room while I was watching an episode of Buffy that involved two of the characters chaining another character up and kissing in front of her and I was like, “It’s a trick to get more information about the apocalypse! That’s what’s really happening. Don’t read anything else into it.”

Sometimes I see people from my morning weekday bus on another bus, and I just think, What are you DOING? It’s like when I was a kid and I’d see a teacher at the supermarket, like WHY ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR BOX?

My brother has this theory that everyone has super powers, something trivial a person is UNCOMMONLY good at (my brother can tell when the air in any given room isn’t circulating), and he’s so far rejected all of my ideas for my potential super powers, either because the ability isn't sufficiently trivial (I read really fast) or uncommon (I am amazing at Snood). But I finally came up with one I think is definitely uncommon and certainly trivial: when I yawn, it’s not contagious.

I wish I could stop cutting myself with my food processor's blade. I just don't understand how I'm supposed to clean it.

We have these puzzles at work, these toddler puzzles, with five or six pieces, and even though they’re incredibly easy, I still have to THINK to figure them out, which always seems deeply embarrassing to me. I’ll be helping my kids clean up, and catch myself actually WORKING on a puzzle of five pieces, all of which are different sizes and are also outlined with different colors that match them to their places.

I flew from Amsterdam to Seattle yesterday, and on the last leg of the trip, from Chicago to Seattle, I fell asleep as soon as I sat down. The woman sitting next to me woke me up at some point to say, “We can put our seats back now.” When I looked at her, in TOTAL BLANK ASTONISHMENT, she said, “I thought that might make you more comfortable.” I responded by immediately falling back asleep, which I think was appropriate.