I was drinking a glass of water this morning and felt something tiny and sharp enter my mouth. It was a toenail clipping. This is the story I’m going to tell people when they argue that women are naturally more interested than men in keeping a clean house.

Another thing about being stubborn: I have this water filter pitcher that I keep in my fridge, because I like drinking really cold water. Sometimes the pitcher has what I perceive as a glass of water left, but sometimes I’ve underestimated a little. In those cases, I pour the water into the glass, and continue to pour, EVEN AS THE GLASS OVERFLOWS. Instead of leaving that little bit in the pitcher. Because if I do that, then the pitcher wins.

Sometimes it makes me nervous how much my thumbs look like my big toes. I like to be a little farther away from evolution than that. It makes me feel like I could just turn back into a chimpanzee at any moment.

I think it’s kind of snotty the way different companies or schools force you to have awesomely strong passwords. I’m sure it’s for their own protection, but if I want my password to be Sarah123, that’s my business, isn’t it? A password I chose was recently rejected, despite the presence of numbers and symbols and the randomness of the word, because it included “guessable dictionary words.” Now I’m supposed to MAKE UP WORDS?

I made these feelings puppets for my class, like the idea is to teach toddlers about feelings, so they’ll say “I’m angry!” instead of hitting another child with a shovel. I’m not sure this ever actually works, but we’re supposed to try. So I made three puppets and assigned each puppet an emotion, and then I named the puppets after my parents and my brother. That's why my job is amazing.

I don’t wish to over-stress the point about what a visually unobservant moron I am, but I’ve lived in my apartment for three months now, and I only just realized that my bedroom has a different heating dial than my living room. I guess this is my brother’s point about how I don’t think like a person. A person would think, Gee. It’s much colder in my bedroom than my living room. There must be two different heating systems operating these two rooms. I should investigate further. I was just sad it was so cold in my bedroom.

I have to sing fairly often at work, and I really, really don’t sing well. Most of the time, no one seems to notice or care, but every once in a while I’ll be singing to my toddlers, and they’ll look at me with expressions that can only be described as dismayed.